Few Things are Sadder Than the Truly Monstrous

This is a short list of things that I learned this past weekend:

1. It is not a good idea to have a burrito that the menu says is "as big as your head," no matter what the waitress tells you. Yes, they can be that big.

2. Beer does not make you better at competitive trivia.

3. When you know you have the right answer to a question, say so, loudly, and fight tooth-and-nails for your answer. You can get a lot more points that way.

4. A floor lamp does not make a good door prize, especially when you plan on going out for more beer after the event.

5. Just because the bar is called Fat Tuesdays does not mean that it's solely frequented by the grossly obese.

6. It is surprisingly easy to lose a group of middle-aged bald men in a crowd of rowdy bar patrons when you're drinking at the Heart and Crown.

7. Sometimes, old friends can be assholes. Fortunately, they sometimes have sisters that are quite happy to talk to you for a bit while your friend spends all her time ignoring you.

8. There are no taxi cabs in Kanata after dark. So get walkin', punky.

9. I like showers. A lot.

10. The band Saint Etienne rocks.

11. Dinosaurs are BIG. And they had particularly funky ones in China.

12. Word games are not my preferred way to spend a Saturday night.

13. Spinach gives me royal gas. We're talkin' human bagpipes, here.

14. Fancy candles are like crack to my lovely Stacey. Invite her to your candle party.

15. Cars need bateries to go. Not getting a new one is a bad thing when you have somewhere to be and it cacks out on you.

16. Being sick is not a good way to spend your day off. Still, better than working.

17. The Sopranos' writers did not do a good job of tying up loose ends in the last episode of the third season.