SUS

There's a new kool-aid ad campaign out there, stop me if you've heard this one. As I see it, the story goes something like this: the nice people at Kraft foods resurrect kool-aid man, dust him off, and then promptly strand his zombie, liquid-filled ass on a desert island. Bear with me, here.

And then, without any explanation, a plane full of children (possibly also piloted by children) flies overhead. They spot kool-aid man's misleading message ("S.U.S.") and mis-read it as a weak attempt at calling for help. Apparently the kids missed the all-important Grade-1 class where they should have learned the difference between the letter "U" and the letter "O". Miraculously, they find the means to land their adolescent airliner and rush to kool-aid man's *ahem* aid.

So the kids arrive on the beach, ready to rescue kool-aid man, but instead, all he wants to do is hawk his crappy little single-serving packets of fruit-flavoured dust. Kool-aid man has baited and fooled the kids again! The only logical course of action is to throw a spontaneous party. Coconuts are hollowed out, kids are swinging on vines, and merriment ensues.

Now, as plausible as all of this must sound to you, I still have some unanswered questions --how come kool-aid man needs to wear pants? And when they're done partying, do the kids fly away on their plane and leave kool-aid man behind, biding his time until the next jet full of children wanders into his island's airspace? These are important questions.

I think I have too much time on my hands.